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L - Change the World
Filed under: RRRAAAGGGEEE — KL Chavez @ 03-21-09 3:21 pm

It's a move about caring! No not really.

L! - He's doing things!

So I finally got around to watching L - Change the World today. The first thing to know going into this movie is that it’s NOT DEATHNOTE. Notice it doesn’t say ‘DEATHNOTE - L fights crime!’ or ‘L - Deathnote guy does… stuff!’ or even ‘L - eats sweets; FIGHTS EVIL.’ This is an early indicator of something different. So anywho the point of the movie is to cover L’s last 23 days on this rock we call EARTH. Remember they changed the manga ending so that L lives beyond the Kira saga.

The premise of the movie is that there is a group of eco-mentalists who believe that the human race has ruined the earth! BAD HUMANS, put that eco-system back where you found it!

They weep for the earth - AND SO SHOULD YOU UNCARING BASTARDS!!!!

They weep for the earth - AND SO SHOULD YOU UNCARING BASTARDS!!!!

But fear not tree humping greenies for this group has come up with a plan to right the ship. They’ve developed a virus! But its not some run of the mill typhoid. Oh no, we’re talking SCYFY (UGH) saturday nite original virus here. It’s a cross between influenza and ebola! And its fast acting too just like OXICLEAN!

Now with LESS HUMAN

Now with LESS HUMAN

All right so our premise is set. Yeah I know, its doesn’t sound very exciting. And truth be told it all wouldn’t be…save for one thing. Her name in the movie is never even mentioned but according to IMDB it is ‘Hatsune Misawa’…

Awww...how cute.

Awww...how cute.

This is not important though. What is important is that Hatsune cares about the environment. Of course we are not fully aware of how much she cares about protecting the earth…  until the main bad guy kills the head of the eco company because he doesn’t have the chutzpah to do whats necessary with the virus. Hatsune, obviously in the throws of earth preserving passion,  then goes over and starts curb stomping the dead company guy with her 3 inch heels.

A dead human is still a BAD HUMAN. VIVA EARTH!!!!

A dead human is still a BAD HUMAN. VIVA EARTH!!!!

It is at this point I realized this movie was worth watching.

Moving on the eco fiends then proceed to the lab (we’ll call it the good guy shiny lab) because while they developed the virus unfortunately they forgot to make an antidote. And heck, what would the earth do if all the humans died off? Oh sure it would continue to float through space indifferent to the plight of man (wait, wouldn’t it do that anyways?…nevermind.) but if there were no eco-fiends left to protect Earth who’s to stop XENU when he returns and starts the repollution? Surely they must survive (not you though, you’re a polluting TWAT!). This is all good and fine though because when they get to shiny lab Hatsune can resume defending the earth.

Sorry to bother you at this hour, but we're...

Sorry to bother you at this hour, but we're...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here to defend the earth! DIE POLLUTING SCUM! ARRIBA!!!!

here to defend the earth! DIE POLLUTING SCUM! ARRIBA!!!!

Okay so she didn’t exactly say that but I’m sure she would have, if the director had let her. Fast forward about 2 minutes!

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Remember kids, stabbing, its good for the earth!

Remember kids, stabbing, its good for the earth!

You can see the passion in her eyes, can't you?...

You can see the passion in her eyes, can't you?...

Each stabbing also heals baby koalas and improves the lives of free range chickens. They still get slaughtered though :(. Tasty! :D

Each stabbing also heals baby koalas and improves the lives of free range chickens. They still get slaughtered though :(. Tasty! :D

Okay so they get to the shiny lab and what happens next is the longest, most overblown death scene I have seen in a long time.

IT'S AWESOME. SPARKS, SMOKE, MORE SPARKS, ITS GREAT.

But how does our heroine feel about this? Well have a look!

Must.Defend.EARTH.

Must.Defend.EARTH.

Okay so moving on the guy who died gave a clue about the antidote to his daughter who then runs off and finds L. The eco-juggernauts then trod off to get her because one of the Juggies is in fact ‘K’! A member of the society of super crime fighters just like ‘L’! Plot, exciting! Off to get the girl at L’s lair then!

Earth defense force-ASSEMBLE!

So a scuffle ensues. The little girl who is the daughter of way dead science dood injects herself with the virus so she can spread the disease on the evil, er, EARTH DEFENDERS and take revenge! No, I didn’t just make that up. Really, this little girls got spunk!

What you can't tell from this is how Hatsune just threw the little girl on the ground for fighting back. Uppity polluter! Notice our brave eco-warrion defending mother nature from the evil 12 year old with a shotgun!

What you can't tell from this is how Hatsune just threw the little girl on the ground for resisting-uppity polluter! Notice our brave eco-warrior defending mother earth from the 12 year old with a shotgun! Buckshot is mother natures medicine!

Okay so L comes out and physically does something saving the little girl and this genius math boy who will eventually help them develop the antidote by doing some math. Whatever. Oh yeah they escape in this vehicle:

Children, to the Crepemobile!

Children, to the Crepemobile!

Wanna attract Japanese school girls? SELL CREPES.

Wanna attract Japanese school girls? SELL CREPES.

Comes with Godzilla era special effects and electronics. Also, see thru curtain belies fact you SHOULD BE IN A VAN.

Comes with Godzilla era special effects and electronics. Also, slightly transparent curtain belies fact you SHOULD BE IN A VAN.

All right so they develop an antidote for the virus thanks to a doctor friend of the dead guy from shiny lab and the little girl decides she still wants revenge on the woman who forced her dad to kill himself for ten minutes (so awesome) so she goes after her and attempts to bleed on her again but Hatsune stops Maki (oh yeah, the little girl is named Maki) and she is thus captured. Got all that? GOOD! Fast forward to the end where Maki, Team EARTH is GREAT and L all meet up on a plane. EARTH is GREAT is fleeing the country for the U.S. where they can sell and spread the virus to ensure the earth is saved from the human race of which they are a part (wait, what? 4chon?).

What this really means though is that Hatsune gets to help the team hijack a plane! How does our Hatsune hijack a plane? Why with a shotgun of course!

It's GO TIME!

It's GO TIME.

So before L shows up the planes crew tries some stuff. Y’know like moving and breathing. This proves to be a mistake as Hatsune politely and clearly instructs them to do neither. AND WHAT HATSUNE WANTS SHE GETS.

At peace, simply

?!??

Shotgun says NO MOVING!

Shotgun says NO MOVING!

She continually beat this foolish person off camera fer like, five seconds. He deserved it.

She continually beat this foolish person off camera fer like, five seconds. He deserved it.

All righty so then L shows up. It’s actually pretty dramatic as the Crepe truck has to chase down the moving plane. L ends up climbing up one of those motorized plane boarding stairways and jumping on to the moving plane. However, once again, this is a mistake as HATSUNE clearly stated THERE WAS TO BE NO MOVING ON HER PLANE.

Earth. SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Earth. SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Okay so then theres some talking. AGAIN. MISTAKE. Hatsune is obviously a woman of ACTION. So when even her own team starts lagging she decides its time to CRANK THINGS UP ANOTHER NOTCH AND START STABBING BABIES.

I'm just going to say it now...

I love her. I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

I love her. I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

It is at this point the movie takes a horrible turn. Hatsune passes out from the virus and no longer is able to defend the planet :(. It is a sad day not just for me but the earth as a whole. Anywho L saves the day and there is a brief moment of glory at the end as we see Hatsune being taken off to jail or something. Thank goodness shes okay.

Then L goes off and has 2 days to live. He drops the boy off somewhere and names him ‘Near’. The little girl Maki lives and I think L might die at the end after the credits. They don’t really tell you.

And so concludes the KL edition of L - Change the World. I give it 5/5 Hatsunes for having Hatsune in it. Every other movie ever gets 0/5 for not having Hatsune. Except Punisher: War Zone. That ones got a little Hatsune in it.

Peace out YO!

~KL

Because Ciabatta needs this…
Filed under: RRRAAAGGGEEE — KL Chavez @ 03-15-09 2:46 pm

Before I get to the nothing that is this post you owe it to yourself(even though its on the WHY! board) to go and watch this: http://www.comedycentral.com/colbertreport/full-episodes/index.jhtml?episodeId=220646

Really, just watch the part and when you see the DOOM BUNKER you’ll know why. Oh yeah, and here ya go Ciabatta. Since no one reads this it’ll be funny to see how long before anyone notices. Yay!

Winblows 7
Filed under: RRRAAAGGGEEE — EnFuego @ 02-19-09 11:25 am

So I tried out Windows 7 beta

Yo dawg I heard you like Windows, so we put Windows in yo Windows so you can crash yo blue screen while yo blue screen crashes

Yo dawg I heard you like Windows, so we put Windows in yo Windows so you can crash yo blue screen while yo blue screen crashes

320MB of RAM gone with nothing running, good thing RAM is stupid cheap

320MB of RAM gone with nothing running, good thing RAM is stupid cheap

Shockingly not as bad as I thought it would be

Shockingly not as bad as I thought it would be

They actually managed to make it slightly less annoying than Vista

They actually managed to make it slightly less annoying than Vista

I give it a rating of F for FUCKBALLS

I give it a rating of F for FUCKBALLS

Yo dawg I heard you like Ubuntu too...

Yo dawg I heard you like Ubuntu too...

Maybe I need something less popular

Maybe I need something less popular

Or maybe I need something more extreme. If I really did make my own operating system, it would probably turn out like this.

Or maybe I need something more EXTREME. If I really did make my own operating system, it would probably turn out like this.

It’s IDIOT TIME again suckers!!!!
Filed under: Idiot of the Month!, Stupid Graphics — KL Chavez @ 01-31-09 9:51 pm

So as we bring the new year celebration to a close with the end of January its tiem, ahem, time to crown the idiot of our first ‘09 month. But we have a problem. This month is like a virtual GRABASS BAG of idiots to choose from. You could literally do a different tard for every day of this month.

So instead of doing that I have decided, in the spirit of online team based play, to pick the cream of the crop and form the ultimate squad of ultimate bad….asses. Yeah.

So any good online squad-first and foremost-is going to need a SOLDIER. I suppose I could go with stalwarts such as Kellen Winslow Jr, or this guy(he even is, er, was a real soldier!). What makes the second guy even more appealing is that he now says he did the dog a FAVOR. AWESOME. But quite frankly that’s a little too humanitarian for WHY!. We need someone…someone like…. ADAM PACMAN JONES.

TEH PAC DOIN' HIS THANG.

Why the PACMAN? Well first he’s called PACMAN. Second like any good soldier PACMAN has the ability to repeatedly shoot himself in the foot and KEEP COMING BACK FOR MOAR. For those that don’t know PACMAN is a cornerback in the NFL who was pretty good in college and had a couple decent years as a pro. However a closer look at PACMAN’s career stats reveal the true power of the PACMAN.

PACMAN, since joining the league, has 1 career TOUCHDOWN in the NFL.

PACMAN, since joining the league, has 4 career INTERCEPTIONS in the NFL.

PACMAN, since joining the league, has over 10 ARRESTS off the field.

Now tell me, how can you not want this man on your team? He’s got the world on a platter as a pro athelete but PACMAN stays just as hungry for action off the field as on it. Busted once? FEH, he comes back for more. And we’re not talking lame ass stuff here either. LETS LOOK AT THE NUMBERS.

He’s been involved in shootings at a strip club.

He sucker punched a woman in the eye at a strip club.

He spit on a woman… at a strip club.

And best of all:

Jones was beating a strippers head against the bar while claiming to kill one of the club?s employees…AT A STRIP CLUB.

PAC + BITCHES + CLUB = PHUN!!!

So not only will spending time with PACMAN be non-stop action for us, but apparently there will be strippers-a-plenty for all! That’s almost better than Schwins and SHOTGUNS. ALMOST.

~KL

Up next: MEDIC!

CLAN [WHY!] December idiot of the month!
Filed under: Idiot of the Month!, RRRAAAGGGEEE — KL Chavez @ 12-19-08 12:44 am

Clan [WHY]’s IDIOT OF THE MONTH

Plaxico ‘Plexiglass’ Burress

Plexico 'Plexiglass' Burress - A life embroiled in turmoil. And GLOCKS.

Plexico 'Plexiglass' Burress - A life embroiled in turmoil. And GLOCKS.

Why he’s the WinRAR: HE SHOT HIMSELF. CAN’T GET MORE WHY! THAN THAT BASTARDS.

Plexiglass is our idiot of the month because, well, somebody has to be. And also because the man SHOT HIMSELF. But that’s only part of the story kids. Plexiglass wins not only for his prowess with firearms, a necessary WHY! trait, but for his actions AFTER the vicious attack he suffered… at his own hands :(.

You see our man Plexi here got arrested for, and I can’t say this enough, SHOOTING HIMSELF and was charged with ‘criminal possession of a weapon in the second degree in violation of Penal Law’. Penal doesn’t like it when you violate it and apparently it carries a pre-determined prison sentence of 3 ½ years. No if, ands, or buts. So what’s a WHY! Guy to do in such a situation? Two words bitches:

NOT GUILTY.

That’s right. And I believe him. Or, well, I’m going to pretend in some upside down, ass-backwards, Schwarzenegger for governor(!!!) world that I believe him. So lets look at this and ‘help a [WHY!] member out’. So I present to you, as best I can make up, what really happened that faithful night in NYC.

THE Scenario: Midgets, Sex and Rock N’ Roll

Oft misunderstood, constantly horny, Lester the "Midget" Molester

Clubs can be loud. So loud that its tough to hear the person next to you-let alone what everyone else is doing. So you can imagine the shock on Plexi’s face when, out of nowhere, a midget suddenly appeared and began sexing his leg! Using his heightened NFL reflexes Plexi reacted in a flash and went for the loaded firearm in his sweatpants(HEY, this shit is REAL. Guns, sweatpants, MIDGETS. Put ‘em all together and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.)  Unfortunately for Plex though the NFL athlete is not known for its intelligence or common sense…

Sweatpants, enemy to all things GLOCK.

Sweatpants, enemy to all things GLOCK.

THE Rationale: Holes in the wrong places, OR How Point A to B f#cked up my leg

Realizing that shit could have ‘da AIDS’ or worse, a friend capturing cell phone video of the whole debacle, Plex went for his Glock 40 and shot at the assailant. What we must do now is reconstruct what was going on in an innocent mans head because as we know-something went horribly, horribly wrong. Best I can figure our hero used math. WAY TO SIMPLE MATH in this case. And to that end he grabbed the gun in his pants and shot directly…through his leg.  Abandoning all fear of permanent damage to his limbs and defying logic in ways only Bill ‘ASSSS’ O’Reilly could perhaps comprehend Plexico preserved his machismo for the mere cost of 35 million dollars and his freedom.

And for that, and that alone, he deserves this award. Congrats Brah, you earned it!

~KL

Evil things in Fallout
Filed under: Fallout 3 — EnFuego @ 12-13-08 12:08 pm

My team in action at the Republic of Dave.  I'm shooting Dave, the Mysterious Stranger is trying to steal my kill, and Jericho is sledgehammering a woman.

My team in action at the Republic of Dave. I'm shooting Dave, the Mysterious Stranger is trying to steal my kill, and Jericho is sledgehammering a woman.

Creative pickpocketing swaps Tenpenny's suit for raider armor.

Creative pickpocketing swaps Tenpenny's suit for raider armor.

Stole Eulogy Jones' suit the same way.

Stole Eulogy Jones' suit the same way.

Blargh of RAGE!
Filed under: RRRAAAGGGEEE — Twofer @ 12-10-08 5:06 am

Starts off with a WHY! Member of esteemed stature, Deathgrip Chavez, snoring.

And then he woke up

And then he woke up

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